I get angry with myself when I don’t stand in my truth – stand for who I authentically am. It happened again not too long ago.
I had been attending a multi-denominational healing service. It’s a group led by a Catholic deacon with a distinct Pentecostal foundation. I love the energy and presence of Spirit. It’s a very Catholic Christian group and the teaching and rituals have an evangelical slant. While I don’t agree with everything shared, I thoroughly enjoy connecting with other people who enthusiastically seek the face of God in their lives. It’s uplifting, energizing, and challenges me to stretch.
One evening we were asked to share with a partner a “God moment” – a time when you were profoundly aware of God’s loving presence. Here’s where I stepped off my authentic path. I have many moments when the presence of eternal Spirit appeared and directly affected me. Instead of sharing one of the more recent moments, I dug way back and shared something ‘more appropriate’ to the occasion. I talked about a time when sitting in Saint Peter’s Basilica in Rome the sun’s light beamed down on me from behind the stained glass dove behind the high altar. This was not only a Christian moment it was a very Catholic one. Rather than share something powerful and recent from my heart, I used my head instead. I didn’t want to ‘offend’ anyone’s sensibilities.
As I rummaged through my experiences, in a few short moments I judged that sharing an experience of Spirit that was Christian-centered would be more acceptable and what was expected of me. I could have shared from any number of moments, where I saw the hand of God at work but took the safe route instead. My list could have included:
- A recent Reiki session when my chakras were opened and moved my energy instantly without ever having my body touched.
- The wisdom imparted by a South American Indian shaman who transformed my understanding of my divine heritage.
- An angel healer who channeled the spirit of my departed grandfather who was reassuring and supporting me.
- The appearance of Archangel Haniel who came to me with the news she has been my guardian imparting the gift of intuition I’ve always been aware of.
And there are many others. My experience in Saint Peter’s was certainly a “God moment” but it was an easy out. Why did I choose to deny the divine within and take a path I felt more acceptable to the people I shared with?
Being reared in a Christian home, I was regularly instructed that the only path to a happy and successful life was the one being taught. If I didn’t accept that version of truth, I would be forever doomed to burn in hell. Quite frankly, I was scared into believing it was the only path. Yet I was never comfortable on that path and couldn’t fully accept that there was only one way in. This is where Christianity and I started to part ways. Well-intentioned as they may be, my path to divine self is not one in the same as anyone else’s no matter how fervent their beliefs. I believe access to God is not restricted and there is no single gate to gain entry. To use a Willy Wonka analogy, there are as many ‘golden tickets’ available as there are people who bless our Earth.
I believe what struck me in the moment that night, was the prospect that once again, someone would condemn me for not seeing God in a prescribed way. I would then have to tolerate attempts to “save me” or get me to realize my viewpoint is wrong. Later in the service that night, someone stood up and said they felt as if some in the building were resisting God’s calling. Once again a wave of self-doubt hit me. I thought for a moment – “is she pointing at me?” This was the insecure little boy sitting in Sunday school once again and I had to remind myself I am no longer that scared child. Standing in my truth, I knew they weren’t referring to me, but it didn’t make me feel any happier in the moment.
What is your truth and are you committed to living it? To use an old Sunday school story, it can be like hiding your lamp under a basket. I choose now to not only lift the basket, but to throw it away. My light is special and meant to be shared.
I believe in the transformative power of human connection to elevate joy, restore balance, and support inner healing as you seek your highest purpose. My purpose in life is to be a guide, to share the wisdom of the Universe I’ve been gifted with, and to see others succeed. Nothing brings me greater joy than to see others step into their purpose in a vibrant and highly energetic way.
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